Dreams keep some unhappy folk alive. At least, it seems that way to me. I’ve always stated that posting things on the web is akin to shouting your business on the street corner for all to hear. However, now I feel like sharing some things that I’ve been keeping close for many moons.

Who knew that a bad job could ruin so much of your life? I am downright miserable, and I fear bordering on depressed. It all happened so fast just over a year ago. I was working on a temp job that I really enjoyed, but I needed that first, after-college, permanent position. At this point, I should mention that the last few semesters of college, I realized that my current interests did not match where my degree was headed. However, I was past the point of no return, so I finished school, and took a temp job while looking for permanent work.

With no success, I applied and interviewed for many positions. A position that looked that it would use both of my majors showed up, and though I was sick of applying at the time, I shot off a resume and cover letter on a whim. In just a few days, I received a call for an interview. The interview went fairly well, and I was called for a second interview. Another couple of days went past, and I received the job offer.

This is where things started to get a little hairy. They offered me a great starting salary, the job seemed to be something that I could enjoy, and the benefits were really good. Still, in my gut, I sensed something was off, and I had the strong urge to turn down this offer. But everyone around me seemed to think this was a good thing for me. I thought that perhaps I had a fear of success issue going on, so I accepted the job.

The changes began gradually. The hours were slightly later than what I worked before. I had to deal with full-on rush hour traffic, which made a significant difference in the time I arrived home. It’s cut into the time I get to spend with my husband and my daughter. I used to arrive home a little after five most evenings, giving a chance to get dinner on the table right around six, and the rest of the evening to do family things. Now, I get home well after six on a good night, shoving dinner to around seven, and not much time to do things with the family afterward. My daughter doesn’t sleep as well as she used to because she stays up later now to get time in with Mommy.

I was told during my interview that there was all kinds of documentation about the work in my position. That was a pretty deceptive statement. There is a bunch of information there, but almost of all of it is results. There’s very little in the way of background information. Work instructions for the activities in her position were along the lines of: Open the file, update the file, and send to the following people for review. That’s it. I later learned that the person in my previous position like to hoard information, thought her job was really special and was secretive about it, and didn’t get along with the manager. Nobody seemed to really know what she did or how she did it. Which sucked for me.

It has become more and more clear that I have a passive aggressive manager as well. I won’t go into the specifics there, but other things have happened that bother me. For example, I get told to do one thing, do that, and then learn that this person expected something totally different, but never managed to communicate or clarify that important little tidbit. Or, I was recently chastized because the boss wanted something done as this one type of activity, when come to find out, the person wanted done as another, despite what was written on the piece of paper given to me. I was supposed to know what was wanted (I’m supposed to be telepathic?) and do it that way. Next time I needed to just take care of those things.

Which thoroughly infuriated me because I take pride in doing things the right way, and if I’d known in the beginning what was really wanted, it would have been handled. I really like doing things the right way the first time.

The stress of this job has been steadily growing, and I think I’ve reached the point where I can say that there isn’t enough money to make me stay. It’s ridiculous. I’ve given up valuable time with my family for a job that leaves me feeling frustrated and upset most days. If I’m going to be sacrificing something as important to me as my family time, it’d damn well better be worth it, and this job isn’t. I like my coworkers and everything, but it’s just too much. It’s in a field that I realized I never wanted to be in, and it’s not even enjoyable most of the time.

As soon as this second child arrives, I’ll be looking for something different. I’ve finally realized how important my family is to me, and I don’t want lose that. It’s time for change and I’m ready to do it. I just have to figure out what direction I’m heading into. Being the primary breadwinner makes the decisions I make very important. So we’ll see what the future holds.

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Funk

27Sep08

funny dog pictures
see more puppies

I’ve very much been in a funk lately. The whole story is another post, which I have partially written up and plan to get out there soon.

Things just suck right now. There are good things about each and every day, but in most aspects of my life, I’m very unhappy. My relationship with my family is not that great. I miss getting to spend time with my husband and my daughter, and there never seems to be enough time in my evenings. I’m thoroughly unhappy at work, wanting to bang my head on any hard surface nearby.

Part of it lies in the fact that I want to write, but I sit down and draw a blank. Seriously. I jot notes down all day of things I’d like to talk about, email myself links to interesting articles to discuss, and sit down with a computer in my lap and draw a total blank. At the time I think that it has to do with being so exhausted at the end of the day, but the more it happens, the more I think that perhaps it’s to do with my pregnancy. I don’t think I wrote much during my first, either. Maybe it’s something in the hormones, but I’m keeping all my notes and emails, so that I can address topics that are still relevant when I do feel like writing.

Perhaps the biggest thing is just doing it. I updated Momma Needs Coffee with a brief post and I’m writing here, which makes me feel more like writing. Perhaps I can tackle some of those other ideas I’ve had and put something out there today. I’m in lounging mode because I woke up feeling sort of crampy and it’s best to stay off my feet. Laundry can get done because it’s a get up for five minutes, sit for forty-five activity. That I can handle.


Personal Notes

30Aug08

I’m really wanting to blog, but this week has been a little off for everyone. We’ve all felt tired with headaches and more. The ragweed and the mold are sky-high, so I suspect that may be the cause.  Lots of little things going on around here.

On a happy note, I paid the final payment on one of my credit cards. I’ve been working get rid of my debt, and now I have one less bill to pay on. I’ve redone the budget to reallocate those funds towards another bill. I can’t wait to get rid of more.

In less happy news, I went to bed angry with my husband and woke up that way. If anyone wants one, I’ve got one for sale.

In doing some thinking, I can’t see it would be so difficult for me to post to both blogs a couple of times a week. Coffee time on the weekend seems like a good time to write some posts and then set them to show later in the week. I have a list of post ideas a mile long. I jot them down at work and toss them into my planner. That’s what I want to work on next.  Really good ideas shouldn’t go to waste.

Most of the pregnancy talk occurs at Momma Needs Coffee, but I’ve started nesting already. Last weekend I wore myself out cleaning sections of the house. I pick two areas to focus on during the weekend and get the majority of those rooms done. This weekend the rooms of choice are the Master Bathroom and little bit of reamaing stuff in the kitchen and the master bedroom. I also need to dig out all the baby stuff and start organizing it. And organize a yard sale for the clutter I want to be rid of. And…well, I could keep going, but the point is that I am excited about cleaning, which is odd.

I’ve not been working on my novel, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I figure I shall be doing that soon. Researching some nonfiction type writing and working on the nerve to hit send for that has been on my list as well.

Enough of the personal junk, I hope to be back with some interesting articles and ideas.


I’ve just fallen off the radar. Things have been hyper-nutty around here. Can I just mention that 2008 has not been my year? I wanted to work toward so many goals and none of that has happened. In fact, things have been on a backslide.

Finally, a point where I can stop and evaluate seems to arrived, and I’m not too happy with the picture.

And now I have to go because I just got a phone call and my mother-in-law wants to come over for dinner, providing some steaks she got. Which means I have to get the house picked up. I hate such short notice, and I hate the fact that his family always wants something, but while I was layed up with my hip issue and couldn’t do a thing, not one person called and asked if we needed any help.

*Goes to beat head on dirty house.*


It seems I have issues. Anyone who knows me knows that, though, so it’s old news. But I once again had to prove to myself that I was right. It seems that if I know I am right, I’ll make sure that I can prove. My mind is a huge repository of useful(less) information information.

Yesterday, I was at a family reunion for my grandmother’s side of the family (More on that will appear at Momma Needs Coffee.) My uncle and I were discussing computer stuff, and I was talking about my DSL. In the litte area I live in, SBC DSL was the first, and I think is still the only high speed Internet option here. I made a comment about how customer service seemed to go downhill when SBC bought AT&T, and took the AT&T name, even though SBC was doing the buying. My uncle tries to tell that it was the other way around, and that I am wrong. No, no. I know these things and I am right, but I let it drop. So, this morning I emailed my dad with a link to an article proving I was right. I can’t help myself.

Do you have any similar issues? Do you have an OCD complex with being right, and you can’t stand for people to spread false information, including going to extreme lengths to make sure people are getting the right information?


Quiet Chaos

09Apr08

Things have been quiet around my blog. Mosty because I’ve not been here blogging. I’ve been chasing a toddler around the house, dealing with two-year-old emotions, and trying to get home at a decent enough hour to spend time with my family.

Writing’s also had to resume the back burner position. It’s a shame, but I’ll figure out some way to work with it. It’s hard barely being able to have a thought to myself. So, I read other blogs, think about writing, and trying to keep the household from shambles. Not that much is interesting to blog about. Sorry to be so boring.


Oddness

09Mar08

I was sifting through some of my Askimet spam stuff and I found this comment (really a trackback) in which some user links to my post, copies all of the contents, and gives me some attribution that is not me. I don’t know who ttcshelbyville is, but it’s not be. My moniker on the web is tjwriter in almost all places, and I’ve never lived in a place called shelbyville.

The website seems to consist solely of “excerpts” from other blogs. To comment you must register, so I might set up an email address just for this and leave a message for the site. This sucks. 

  http://computers.poemshop.info/2008/02/21/new-laptop-yay/